Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Do you feel like screaming?

Seriously! Have you ever had the urge to scream at the top of your lungs? I'm not talking heavy metal type of screaming, or the kind of scream you might make after hitting your head on the floor due to choking on a pretzel like a certain president everybody calls Chimp. I mean the kinda scream you feel like screaming when you feel all is hopeless, like the whole world is caving in on you, minus the bolders. If you are currently feeling like that, there's a cure. SCREAM!

The only problem with screaming, is that people will think your in physical pain, or your gay. Now there's nothing wrong with being gay, but if someone calls you on it, remember not to say "fuck you", because they might be gay to, who will be very disappointed if you wont have sex or you deny your phone number. Believe me!

So what are you waiting for? Scream till you don't feel like screaming anymore until you pass out amongst friends who know you're straight.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Something to think about

Just for you people who are not currently thinking at this very minute, here's something to think about. No need to thank me.

How is it that Spider-Man can keep shooting webs without getting dehydrated?
My guess it's made of urine, because not one time have I've ever seen him use a urinal in a movie, which could also mean he's wearing adult diapers!

I hate to be in MJ's shoes! Imagine having a boyfriend with urine all over his hands!

Do you think she knows? -->

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Shake 'n Bake, Tobacco, & Jimmy Hoffa

It's been a long time since I've done any creative writing. So since I have a brain I thought to myself "Maybe I should start a blog", and after tossing it around in my head like Shake ‘n Bake, I decided to start one. So this is my first blog post.

I bet you thought I was gona write about groceries, am I right? Well, I'm not! It's understandable if you got the wrong impression since I mentioned Shake 'n Bake above, but I promise you, I will never play with your head! Did you know Shake 'n Bake is a brand asset from Altria Group, formerly Philip Morris Companies? That's right! The same people who roll cigarette tobacco with their hands, also pack the bread crumbs into those Shake 'n Bake bags. So if you ever develop lung cancer, and you don't smoke, you know why!

Cigarettes kill millions of people a year, so you can imagine how many die from a bag of Shake 'n Bake! Jimmy Hoffa was rumored to be a heavy smoker and eater of bread crumbs, and it was also rumored that he punched Philip Morris in the mouth, since Jimmy probably developed cancer. If the authorities want to find Jimmy Hoffa, they don't have far to look, just the problem is most of them died of lung disease, which is why they never found him.

Shake 'n Bake suppose to be a product for good, but it just brings death! Nobody knows what it's made of, but you figure most people be able to tell if they ever smelled a cigarette before. They refuse to heed this aroma warning since they're addicted to the bread crumbs and nicotine that their body yearns for. They Shake, and shake, until it's time to bake, but before doing so they take a deep breath, not knowing it could be their last.

Where is the FDA on this you ask? They're busy proposing a ruling that would relax labeling regulations for irradiated foods, which is understandable. Why label a food product that it's been irradiated when it's already glowing? If people can't see the glare, then they deserve to get nuked! Hopefully this ruling goes through so the FDA can deal with more serious matters. Shake 'n Bake! Women and children are dying in kitchens over breaded fried chicken!

Update: Alexandra S overheard on the news that cigarettes are very healthy, so Shake 'n Bake is in the clear! That doesn't mean you can give a butt to a toddler, just children 6 and older in the presense of a police officer, so no one bums them for a smoke.

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shake_'N'_Bake
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altria formerly Philip Morris
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_hoffa
* FDA proposes softening irradiated food labels