Saturday, November 24, 2007

Antibacterial Soap & Courtney Love

You probably wont believe it, sometimes I don't believe it, but not once did I write the last few months. Those first 3 blog entries took a lot out of me, like how you feel when you're dying of a virus caught from chimps that smacked you with their feces because you didn't have a banana.

Anyway, every year thousands upon thousands of people get sick from a new strain of virus, which might explain why Courtney Love looks the way she does. I wouldn't want to be caught dead in the same room with her, because I can't run away! Who wants to come back as a Zombie after getting infected? Not me! Because next thing you know we're getting married!

Sometimes a common cold virus, or germ you picked up from someome who recently cleaned their butt, can make you even more sick when your body defenses are weak from washing too much with antibacterial soap. The American Medical Association (AMA) state that antibacterial products, which includes what you use in the kitchen, help create resistant bacteria! Imagine not being able to kill the bacteria you picked up from Paris Hilton. I'm using her as an example since I hear she's dirty, even after showering with Palmolive dish washing liquid.

Regular soap and water gets rid of bacteria easily, by adhering it to the soap’s fatty acids, which become encapsulated in droplets of water and washed away. That's right! The first sentence of this paragraph was lifted from another article, but it's not plagiarism since I'm admitting to this. Think I want to go to jail where I'm forced to wash with Dial? Think again! Courtney might be there!

* The Dangers of Antibacterial Soap
* Old virus causing new disease in United States
* Wikipedia: Antibacterial soap
* Wikipedia: Triclosan, potent antibacterial and antifungal agent
* Wikipedia: Dial soap

Friday, November 23, 2007

Long breaks (Hiatus) are good

You probably all know by now that I took a break from writing. Sometimes a good break, which is also called Hiatus, probably because an African got attacked by a Hyena he owned, prompting this person to take up writing, is good for the mind and soul if you don't own wild dogs.

Hope you all have a nice weekend!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Do you feel like screaming?

Seriously! Have you ever had the urge to scream at the top of your lungs? I'm not talking heavy metal type of screaming, or the kind of scream you might make after hitting your head on the floor due to choking on a pretzel like a certain president everybody calls Chimp. I mean the kinda scream you feel like screaming when you feel all is hopeless, like the whole world is caving in on you, minus the bolders. If you are currently feeling like that, there's a cure. SCREAM!

The only problem with screaming, is that people will think your in physical pain, or your gay. Now there's nothing wrong with being gay, but if someone calls you on it, remember not to say "fuck you", because they might be gay to, who will be very disappointed if you wont have sex or you deny your phone number. Believe me!

So what are you waiting for? Scream till you don't feel like screaming anymore until you pass out amongst friends who know you're straight.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Something to think about

Just for you people who are not currently thinking at this very minute, here's something to think about. No need to thank me.

How is it that Spider-Man can keep shooting webs without getting dehydrated?
My guess it's made of urine, because not one time have I've ever seen him use a urinal in a movie, which could also mean he's wearing adult diapers!

I hate to be in MJ's shoes! Imagine having a boyfriend with urine all over his hands!

Do you think she knows? -->

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Shake 'n Bake, Tobacco, & Jimmy Hoffa

It's been a long time since I've done any creative writing. So since I have a brain I thought to myself "Maybe I should start a blog", and after tossing it around in my head like Shake ‘n Bake, I decided to start one. So this is my first blog post.

I bet you thought I was gona write about groceries, am I right? Well, I'm not! It's understandable if you got the wrong impression since I mentioned Shake 'n Bake above, but I promise you, I will never play with your head! Did you know Shake 'n Bake is a brand asset from Altria Group, formerly Philip Morris Companies? That's right! The same people who roll cigarette tobacco with their hands, also pack the bread crumbs into those Shake 'n Bake bags. So if you ever develop lung cancer, and you don't smoke, you know why!

Cigarettes kill millions of people a year, so you can imagine how many die from a bag of Shake 'n Bake! Jimmy Hoffa was rumored to be a heavy smoker and eater of bread crumbs, and it was also rumored that he punched Philip Morris in the mouth, since Jimmy probably developed cancer. If the authorities want to find Jimmy Hoffa, they don't have far to look, just the problem is most of them died of lung disease, which is why they never found him.

Shake 'n Bake suppose to be a product for good, but it just brings death! Nobody knows what it's made of, but you figure most people be able to tell if they ever smelled a cigarette before. They refuse to heed this aroma warning since they're addicted to the bread crumbs and nicotine that their body yearns for. They Shake, and shake, until it's time to bake, but before doing so they take a deep breath, not knowing it could be their last.

Where is the FDA on this you ask? They're busy proposing a ruling that would relax labeling regulations for irradiated foods, which is understandable. Why label a food product that it's been irradiated when it's already glowing? If people can't see the glare, then they deserve to get nuked! Hopefully this ruling goes through so the FDA can deal with more serious matters. Shake 'n Bake! Women and children are dying in kitchens over breaded fried chicken!

Update: Alexandra S overheard on the news that cigarettes are very healthy, so Shake 'n Bake is in the clear! That doesn't mean you can give a butt to a toddler, just children 6 and older in the presense of a police officer, so no one bums them for a smoke.

* formerly Philip Morris
* FDA proposes softening irradiated food labels